Oh Holy Night

In about 40 minutes it will be Christmas, so... Merry Christmas! I just finished putting the presents under the tree and filling the stockings. Less this year, but somehow it feels just right. Kate and Zach are upstairs in their beds and Jim is milling about quietly and slowly making his way through the house to shut off all of the Christmas lights. The dogs are snuggled in for the night and to all of our surprise it is snowing. Beautiful fluffy flakes that cover the ground very quickly. Peaceful and beautiful.
I am unsettled this Christmas. I started a new job this past week and that has been hard for me, but mostly I am feeling the deep sadness of the Newtown tragedy  I tried to hold it at bay all through the week, but this morning it took a hold of me. Sure, I have been praying throughout the week, crying over the daily news each day, listening to the folks at work share their news about people they know that were involved in many different ways, but I had not really let the horror in.
Jim and I got out early this morning and ended up sitting at St. Mary's by the sea with our coffee's and kind of talked things out. There really is no way to reason it through, but we both shared our thoughts. The sun was shining like diamonds on the water, the sky was blue and so it was a good time to take a moment and reflect. Tears came,  but it was a relief to finally be able to speak of it.
Later on this afternoon there was a knock on the front door. It was our neighbor who was distributing luminaries to light tonight in remembrance. She explained that many Connecticut communities were lighting them. I thanked her and assured her that we would light ours.
We headed out to our usual Christmas Eve dinner at The Redding Road House around 5:30. We got off the highway in Newtown. There was a black wreath hanging from the highway sign. "We're going through Newtown?" I asked from the back seat. Jim explained that this was the way we always come. I had forgotten. The car got quiet as we all looked out the windows. Thousands of luminaries lined every street, every porch. There were even luminaries set out in heart shapes on people's front yards. A lump formed in my throat.  We drove by St. Rose church were the first memorial was held and we made our way through the hushed streets. I did something that I have not done for many years. I blessed myself. I felt the sadness, but I also felt the holy. I felt God's presence.  I was traveling along hallowed ground. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. We drove by the Police Dept. and the public buildings. I thought of the first responders. Soon enough we were in Redding and the chatter resumed in the car.
I don't know what I am getting at here and I have no way to wrap this up neatly. Not the usual Christmas cozy post I know, but I felt the need to write about this.
You know what was amazing to me? The Town of Newtown was ablaze with all of those luminaries but it was ablaze with Christmas lights too. Tasteful white lights, tacky flashing snowmen, pine trees all decked out. Big old Victorians, and little tiny cape cod's all had their lights lit. Tragedy struck this community a little over a week ago and yet they had turned on their lights. The word HOPE came to my mind. It was a precious thing to see, to witness, and I feel blessed that I got to see it in person.
Merry Christmas to anyone still reading.
Love,

Today was my last day at WSMG. In comparison to my last day at PHWC three years ago where I held back my tears until I reached my car and then I cried hysterically all the way home...I walked out today with a smile on my face and a song of hope in my heart. I know that God had me at this job for a reason, but I am so very  happy that reason is over and that I am moving on. That being said I am so grateful that I have been employed for the past three years. Grateful to have met and become friends with Ann, and Amber, and Linda, who made my days bearable and made me laugh and truly liked me . Grateful for the patients who have been sweet and kind to me. Grateful for the patients that I prayed for and so grateful that I saw a direct answer to a prayer that I prayed (I witnessed a miracle) . Grateful for my cozy office with the sink...an island in the midst of a chaotic storm. Grateful that some of my life friends were patients and would stop in to see me with their beautiful loving faces and positive and caring words (Bob, Karen, Nancy, Bekka, Kelley and Rach, Esther and John), lifelines thrown out to me that helped remind me that life still existed outside of this office. All of these things were blessings bestowed upon me while I weathered the storm of this job. And for all of my family and friends that lifted me up in prayer over the last few years, thank you. You know who you are and so do I.
I have applied to many positions, had a handful of interviews and a few offers. After much prayer and waiting  for a sign that my dense self could understand, I have accepted a job at a large orthopaedic ofice in the New Haven area. I start on Monday. :)

Seasons Greetings!

It is about 6:30 on Saturday morning, still dark. I am sitting in my favorite December spot, on the living room couch in front of the Christmas tree. Jim, Zach, and John's friend Roger are still upstairs sleeping. Tofu and I are enjoying some alone time. Tofu is enjoying the fact that Hazel is a very late sleeper, and so she gets my undivided attention in the morning. Happy puppy makes me happy too.
In a little while I will go up and wake Jim. We have a date. Out for breakfast and then off to Woodbury for the annual Christmas house tour. Jim gave me tickets to this event last year for my birthday, and we enjoyed it so much that he gave them to me again. Different houses every year, it is fun to walk through beautiful homes nestled on beautiful landscapes all decorated for Christmas. The outside is as interesting as the inside...barns, duck ponds, gardens, and hopefully a chicken coop to peak into. The best part though is spending the day with Jimmy. After the tour we will head to Starbucks for a treat and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. I cannot wait for this day to begin!
Big changes are in store for me over the next few weeks, and I am hoping that my happiness level will rise enough that I start to enjoy doing some of the things that I have in the past. One of them being this blog, which I do for me as kind of a public journal. I love going back and reading old entries and looking at the pictures.
If anyone is still reading, I hope that you are enjoying this Christmas season!

Saturday

I am making a pumpkin banana bread this morning which means it is officially Fall. The recipe makes two loaves, but I make the second loaf batter into muffins because there are people that live here that cannot wait for the first bite and muffins bake way faster. Jim and Zach will open their bedroom doors this morning to that spicy warm pumpkin smell and that will make them happy.
 I am up early to get my home chores done because Kate and I are spending the afternoon together. Even tho she no longer lives at home we still spend a lot of time together. She makes a point of it, which I love. We text or talk every day and she pops in just about every weekend.Since Jeff works every Saturday she sometimes  spends the night and then comes to church with us on Sunday and stays right through the weekly roast chicken. She is sweet and fun and when she is here things just feel right. She helps and snuggles with the dogs, she scolds Jim about his diet, she helps me cook, and she plays around with Zach. I love looking over at the couch and seeing her there in her hoody and yoga pants under a blanket. She could sleep in our pretty guest room, but she chooses her old bed in the office. I don't know how long this will last but I count it as a blessing while it does.

It's been about three months since my last entry. It is so difficult to set aside time for things like this. I have good intentions and then a puppy picks up a toy and drops it in my lap and barks until I play with her, or Jim says "let's go for a ride or a walk" or I look at the furniture and I could write my name in the dust. You know what I mean...I am not that busy with appointments or kids, just the stuff of ordinary days.
So in order for me to use Blogger now, I must have Google Chrome. I hate it and everything about posting an entry is new and a bit confusing. I am trying tho and hopefully will put this entry up before October rolls around. Speaking of October, I read something last year which really got me thinking. Here is the link f So lovely Google Chrome will not let me call this link what I wish. I tried to change it and now it is that little F. Anyway, it is some information on seasonal affect disorder or SAD. I read it last year and it was like she was telling my story. It got so bad last year that I seriously considered asking my doctor for medication. That was a crossroads for me. I am a medication phobic, and so I knew that I was in trouble. I vowed this year I would try a natural way to keep myself happy and so in August I logged onto Amazon and purchased my SAD light. It is shining on me right now as I type. I started using it early because they say if you start to have those seasonal feelings it may be too late. I have to report, so far so good. I also had a little on-line dialog with the author of that blog, Susan Branch, to thank her for her advise. She told me that she also uses Vitamin D and it has taken away all of her SAD symptoms. I like millions of other people am Vitamin D deficient. I no longer allow myself time in the sun, and I quit drinking milk. Because of my medication phobia I stopped taking Vitamin D a while back. I have put myself back on a small daily dose. From now, all the way up until Christmas is my most favorite time of the year. I am looking forward to feeling like my happy self this year and really being able to enjoy it!
Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!

Two Months

I usually write blog posts on lazy weekends at home. I cannot remember when our last lazy weekend was and so the blog has been neglected. The only thing that I had on the "to do" list today was to bake something for my sad neighbor who lost her dog last week.  Today Jim and I are laying low, front porch reading, house tending and really doing a bunch of nothing. It feels pretty great to have a day like this. Jim is beside me reading, Tofu is glued to my side, and Hazel is snoozing in her bed. I have about 30 min. before I have to get up and make dinner so here is a quick recap of the past few months.

Hazel completed her puppy obedience class back in May. I cannot say that she graduated at the top of her class, but we have learned some techniques that have been very helpful. 

 There are Zach and Hazel. The object was to get your dog to lay down beside you and stay.

Sucess!

The instructor advised us that the puppies could only get their diploma's if they could actually complete the "sit" command. Watch carefully or you may miss it.

We celebrated Jim's birthday with a special dinner and his fav chocolate cake.

Followed by a several rounds of Smart Ass.

Hazel did her best to stay awake. I finally tucked her into her bed right beside us in the kitchen and she conked right out.

This appears to be Hazel right? Wrong...it is her sister. A friend of a friend adopted two of Hazel's siblings. They live right in Woodbury. They look identical and we were pretty excited to hear all of the news on how they are doing. Cute!

The first week in June we all attended our nephew Rob's wedding. He married Justine in a lovely ceremony on Lake George. It was so great to be with the majority of the Kyte family. We missed those who couldn't make it so much!

Such a sweet couple and the wedding was chock full of special touches that made us all feel happy to be a part of this special day!

Unfortunately, I did not take many photos, but here are a bunch of the cousins. All grown up and so happy to be together again! Not present but thought of and missed were Costello, Francey and Michael, Emily and Jon, Sam and Tess, and Zachary.

Blurry shot of the sibs and spouses.

Jim's sister Linda was on a whirlwind trip through New York and New England and so they came to see us in Ct. It was so much fun to be together again.

I will close with Hazel. Growing up so quickly. Finally settling down and getting the housebreaking thing. Last week she crawled into a basket of clean laundry in the family room for a long nap.

Going...

Going...

Gone.

I walked out of work last night with a happy heart, I almost skipped to my car. The three day weekend had begun! Memorial Day/Jimmy's birthday weekend.
For me, it is all about Jim this weekend. He is turning 53!  I have put him through the mill these past few weeks with a diet that is not for the faint at heart. Zach and I have weathered an ornery Jim, stayed strong, prepared his meals and snacks, mapped it all out and followed the plan right along with him. We are in this together! The result...we are all healthier and feeling great. Most importantly, Jim's run away blood pressure is the lowest that it has been in years. All of his other numbers are good...so we are having a celebratory, once a year only birthday meal.  Shrimp cocktail and brushetta on whole wheat ciabatta toasts followed by NY strip steaks, real mashed potatoes and corn on the cob (we have been eating what our diet calls mashed potatoes- baked potatoes whipped up with no salt chicken stock and pepper) and Jimmy's favorite cake from Costco. Kate and Jeff are coming and it promises to be a great night.

When we light the candles and turn off the lights to sing...my heart will be very full. Another birthday. So very thankful.

Daydreamin...

I saw this picture today and it made me smile. My daydream, if I had been born a while back. First of all, I am very strong for a girl and I could totally carry those buckets full of milk. I am taking them back to the house because the children are thirsty and I am surprising Jim with a homemade custard tonight. He has been   out in the barn making furniture all day and he loves my custard with fresh eggs and cream. The chickens are laying about a dozen eggs each day, more than enough for a treat. We don't worry about cholesterol or blocked arteries in my daydream. We are not chubby because we work hard all day and flop into bed at night exhausted and grateful. 

Gotta run. I need to spend some time on the treadmill this morning because in reality I spend all of my day sitting down at a desk. Have a nice day!

Smarty

Zachary was inducted into the Experiential Honor Society at UNH today. The criteria was top 20% of his class, GPA 3.8 or greater, and at least one experience like an internship, or study abroad, or research presentation. Zachary had two. His internship last summer with the CT state police major crime unit and his presentation in NYC two weeks ago at the National Criminal Justice Symposium. That means that he was inducted as a gold member. Very impressive! Jim and I were practically bursting, we were so proud.

Fancy High Tea

There's our boy

All smiles

Zach and Tina

So proud

When I first started working at WSMG I was overwhelmed with how sick some of our patients were. I came from PT/Chiro and the worst was bulging disc pain. But at this job, there is something sad and awful practically every day. People are taken out by ambulance daily. I get a death list several times a week. Mostly it is the elderly, but we also see young patients that get diagnosed with awful things. This is a patients’ first stop…their PCP. They come in with stomach pain or back pain and we send them on for testing. If it is something serious, it is the end of the line for our office and a specialist takes over.
Anyway, back in 2009 a man a few years younger than me came in with back pain. He was sent for testing and a few weeks later he got his diagnosis. Pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to other parts of his body. It did not look good and all of the staff was talking about it like it was an everyday occurrence. I now know that in this office it was an everyday occurrence, but back then, I was new and it was horrific to me. A few days later this man called me to discuss his insurance coverage. He also wanted a referral to Memorial Sloan Kettering Hosp in NYC and I needed to put together a few things so that could be done. I was new at my job and this man just touched me in such a way that I went above and beyond to make sure he was all set. He was so thankful that he called to thank me and while we were speaking he shared his thoughts about his illness and his feelings about death. He just wanted to live to become a Grandfather. He was not afraid to die, but he was very afraid for his family. He said that he felt confident about getting out of Waterbury and going to Sloan. I shared the fact that my Dad went there. We had a very moving conversation. We were strangers, but our conversation went as tho we had known each other for a long time. I had no office back then and I was in an empty office for the day. I hung up the phone and began to cry. The most compelling feeling came over me to pray for this man. I began to pray. As I bowed my head and closed my eyes, the feeling came over me that God wanted me on my knees. I could not ignore it. I knew that God was speaking to me, and even tho I was at work, I got up, closed the office door and got down on my knees and poured my heart out for that man. I know that God always hears our prayers, but I felt such an amazing peace after I prayed. I felt like I was a part of something really big. Right there in that little office. I could barely get it all out when I went home that night and shared it with Jim. It was just so overwhelmingly emotional for me. I had prayed for a miracle .
Over two years have passed and I have kept loose tabs on his appointments here at our office. I knew that he was still alive, but had no real idea of how he was actually doing. This morning, there was a light tap on the door of my office. I turned around in my chair and there he was. A miracle was standing before me!!! He was a bit thinner, but looked healthy in every way! He introduced himself, but of course I knew who he was. I do not think that he remembered me or our conversation, or if he did he showed sign of recognition. I asked him how he was and he said “great”. I answered a question about his account here and then he was gone. I whispered “ Thank you God” and I sat back in my chair and the tears just popped out of my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. As sure as I know my own name I know that I have been a witness to a miracle. And I have been blessed to have been able to see a direct answer to prayers that I have prayed! I am blown away. Tonight when I get home I will get down on my knees again, but this time I will be giving praise and thanks. I serve an awesome God!

It has been a crazy two weeks, a whirlwind as a matter of fact. I had forgotten how much work a very young puppy can be. Thankfully Zachary is the primary caretaker and so Jim and I only take over when we want to or when Zach is not at home. Hazelnut is a very active puppy and so when she is awake we are "on". The Bissell carpet cleaner is on permanent stanby in the kitchen. Aside from all of that, puppy kisses and puppy snuggles are still as wonderful as I remember. Puppy antics like flips and slides are the funniest. Puppy greetings when you get home from work are the sweetest. It is all pretty great, but it is a lot of work!

The gates are up

The bowls are down

The toys are ready. We are in full puppy mode.

Saturday morning and everyone is still asleep upstairs. The house is quiet except for the gentle whirring of the dryer in the next room. It's chilly again this morning and I am resisting the urge to turn the heat back on. We have had some bizarre weather over the past week. Temps in the eighties. One day our upstairs got so hot that Jim turned the ac on for a short while....IN MARCH! Things are greening up. The daffodils are in full bloom as is the forsythia. The air is fresh and fragrant. As my Daddy used to say..."Spring has sprung, the grass has riz...I wonder where the birdies is?"
These are our last few days with an only dog, and although we are excited to welcome Hazel, I am agonizing about what this will do to my meek and mild Tofu. So, I am making her last few days as an only dog as good as it can get for a dog. Lots of belly rubs and ear scratches. Walks outside in the beautiful weather. Extra chewy treats and yummy people food dinners, like turkey meatballs one night and steak bits with sweet potatoes another. As I write this she is here in the chair with me. Always by my side. My loyal friend. The other night I drove Zach's dinner to him at work and scooped up Tofu for the quick ride. She sat in the passenger seat, so calm and good. Every once in a while she would put her front paws up on the arm rest so that she could see where we were going. The car window was open, but she is too little to stick her head out. Just her eyes can peek over to watch what is passing by. I thought right then that I have been blessed to have been loved by a few dogs in my life (Tinkerbell, Misty, Daisy, Maude) but Tofu is the sweetest of them all, the perfect pup, the perfect fit for us.
My dream is that she and Hazel will become buddies. That after Zach has tired Hazel out with walks and playing she will look to snuggle up with Tofu in her bed. I pray that she will be sweet with Tofu and not be a puppy bully. I couldn't bear it if Tofu goes back to hiding behind Jim's chair.
I just heard the creak of floorboards above me and I want to make breakfast for Jim and Zach, so I have to close for now. Have a great weekend!

I woke up to a sunny day here in Ct. I plan on being 100% homemaker today. The entire house needs a good going over, but I will only tackle the downstairs. That will take the better part of the day. I picked up some beautiful strip steaks at the market and so we will have a hearty meal later on. It will stay light out longer as we turned the clocks back last night. I have a nice long day stretched out before me. Yip!
Yesterday morning we drove out to Branford and had a nice long visit with our pup. It was so hard not to put her in my pocket and take her home. The breeder has decided to keep them for 9 weeks instead of 8. Her vet told her that 8-10 weeks is ideal for puppies to leave the nest, but closer to 10 weeks is better. For their emotional health. I want whatever will make Hazel a happy girl, but Zachary is bitterly disappointed. 3 more weeks. Hazel is living in a little cottage by the sea, she sleeps in a large crate with her brother and sisters in a sunny cluttered kitchen with a view to die for. Her owner is the sweetest lady, who kisses each one on the head as she lifts them out of their crate. Staying there another week can only do her good!
Last night, revved up with puppy excitement, Zachary and I made a trip to Petsmart to get some essentials for our little girl. Zachary bought a crate, treats, and toys. I bought bowls, and toys. I want to get a basket for her toys for the family room. I can't wait to see her drag her toys all around the house. To come home to puppy toys underfoot. Tofu has never had any interest in toys so we cannot wait for puppy playtime. She is already chasing after mini tennis balls! Yesterday the puppies were running and tackling each other and Jim made some comment to the breeder. Hazel stopped in her tracks and sat her little puppy butt right down and watched Jim. She cocked her head to the side the way dogs do when they are really concentrating. Hers sibs just kept on roughhousing. She is very smart, our little Hazelnut.
This is Hazel's backyard. Those are the Thimble islands. She is breathing that salty air 24/7. Lucky girl!

PUPPIES!!!

There's our girl.

The puppies are all fascinated with untying shoelaces. They stick with it until the laces on both shoes are completely untied.

Zach scooped her up and she was content to snuggle for a few minutes...

and then wanted back into the action!

Sweety!