Oh Holy Night

In about 40 minutes it will be Christmas, so... Merry Christmas! I just finished putting the presents under the tree and filling the stockings. Less this year, but somehow it feels just right. Kate and Zach are upstairs in their beds and Jim is milling about quietly and slowly making his way through the house to shut off all of the Christmas lights. The dogs are snuggled in for the night and to all of our surprise it is snowing. Beautiful fluffy flakes that cover the ground very quickly. Peaceful and beautiful.
I am unsettled this Christmas. I started a new job this past week and that has been hard for me, but mostly I am feeling the deep sadness of the Newtown tragedy  I tried to hold it at bay all through the week, but this morning it took a hold of me. Sure, I have been praying throughout the week, crying over the daily news each day, listening to the folks at work share their news about people they know that were involved in many different ways, but I had not really let the horror in.
Jim and I got out early this morning and ended up sitting at St. Mary's by the sea with our coffee's and kind of talked things out. There really is no way to reason it through, but we both shared our thoughts. The sun was shining like diamonds on the water, the sky was blue and so it was a good time to take a moment and reflect. Tears came,  but it was a relief to finally be able to speak of it.
Later on this afternoon there was a knock on the front door. It was our neighbor who was distributing luminaries to light tonight in remembrance. She explained that many Connecticut communities were lighting them. I thanked her and assured her that we would light ours.
We headed out to our usual Christmas Eve dinner at The Redding Road House around 5:30. We got off the highway in Newtown. There was a black wreath hanging from the highway sign. "We're going through Newtown?" I asked from the back seat. Jim explained that this was the way we always come. I had forgotten. The car got quiet as we all looked out the windows. Thousands of luminaries lined every street, every porch. There were even luminaries set out in heart shapes on people's front yards. A lump formed in my throat.  We drove by St. Rose church were the first memorial was held and we made our way through the hushed streets. I did something that I have not done for many years. I blessed myself. I felt the sadness, but I also felt the holy. I felt God's presence.  I was traveling along hallowed ground. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. We drove by the Police Dept. and the public buildings. I thought of the first responders. Soon enough we were in Redding and the chatter resumed in the car.
I don't know what I am getting at here and I have no way to wrap this up neatly. Not the usual Christmas cozy post I know, but I felt the need to write about this.
You know what was amazing to me? The Town of Newtown was ablaze with all of those luminaries but it was ablaze with Christmas lights too. Tasteful white lights, tacky flashing snowmen, pine trees all decked out. Big old Victorians, and little tiny cape cod's all had their lights lit. Tragedy struck this community a little over a week ago and yet they had turned on their lights. The word HOPE came to my mind. It was a precious thing to see, to witness, and I feel blessed that I got to see it in person.
Merry Christmas to anyone still reading.
Love,

Today was my last day at WSMG. In comparison to my last day at PHWC three years ago where I held back my tears until I reached my car and then I cried hysterically all the way home...I walked out today with a smile on my face and a song of hope in my heart. I know that God had me at this job for a reason, but I am so very  happy that reason is over and that I am moving on. That being said I am so grateful that I have been employed for the past three years. Grateful to have met and become friends with Ann, and Amber, and Linda, who made my days bearable and made me laugh and truly liked me . Grateful for the patients who have been sweet and kind to me. Grateful for the patients that I prayed for and so grateful that I saw a direct answer to a prayer that I prayed (I witnessed a miracle) . Grateful for my cozy office with the sink...an island in the midst of a chaotic storm. Grateful that some of my life friends were patients and would stop in to see me with their beautiful loving faces and positive and caring words (Bob, Karen, Nancy, Bekka, Kelley and Rach, Esther and John), lifelines thrown out to me that helped remind me that life still existed outside of this office. All of these things were blessings bestowed upon me while I weathered the storm of this job. And for all of my family and friends that lifted me up in prayer over the last few years, thank you. You know who you are and so do I.
I have applied to many positions, had a handful of interviews and a few offers. After much prayer and waiting  for a sign that my dense self could understand, I have accepted a job at a large orthopaedic ofice in the New Haven area. I start on Monday. :)

Seasons Greetings!

It is about 6:30 on Saturday morning, still dark. I am sitting in my favorite December spot, on the living room couch in front of the Christmas tree. Jim, Zach, and John's friend Roger are still upstairs sleeping. Tofu and I are enjoying some alone time. Tofu is enjoying the fact that Hazel is a very late sleeper, and so she gets my undivided attention in the morning. Happy puppy makes me happy too.
In a little while I will go up and wake Jim. We have a date. Out for breakfast and then off to Woodbury for the annual Christmas house tour. Jim gave me tickets to this event last year for my birthday, and we enjoyed it so much that he gave them to me again. Different houses every year, it is fun to walk through beautiful homes nestled on beautiful landscapes all decorated for Christmas. The outside is as interesting as the inside...barns, duck ponds, gardens, and hopefully a chicken coop to peak into. The best part though is spending the day with Jimmy. After the tour we will head to Starbucks for a treat and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. I cannot wait for this day to begin!
Big changes are in store for me over the next few weeks, and I am hoping that my happiness level will rise enough that I start to enjoy doing some of the things that I have in the past. One of them being this blog, which I do for me as kind of a public journal. I love going back and reading old entries and looking at the pictures.
If anyone is still reading, I hope that you are enjoying this Christmas season!